We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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