So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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