textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize