thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
