it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
