Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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