Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
