just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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