Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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