If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
