Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
