walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Mom said you looked used
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They took my balls.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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