I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
