I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dignity is for republicans.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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