remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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