Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
