i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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