he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
