OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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