We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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