Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
