I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
