so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
