Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize