he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
