One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
