the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
