My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
