i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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