It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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