Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
