and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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