she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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