so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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