we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
