i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
