It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
