Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
