at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
