I think I died a long time ago.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
