I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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