this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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