why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
