I must be too annoying 4 u.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
