The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
