your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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