no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
