He asked me if I "almost moaned"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
