So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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