david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
