I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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