I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
