theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
