i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
