Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
