Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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