ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
