I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
