I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
