this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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