I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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