Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
